So Long

and thanks for all the fish.

Final Thing #15: Random Bits

Even More Random Than Usual

Today’s sponsor

Mel’s Discount Singage: Baners, posturs, and friers.

When you can’t afford the berry vest, think of Mell.


Dear Officer Krupke,

You’re really a dope.

This boy don’t need a nap, he needs some soap on a rope.



Tory Nadeau, weather girl

Cy Cohbabble, child psychiatrist


Sportsball Teams (and mascots)

Walla Walla Hummina-Humminas

Manhattan Martinis (Clinky Pete)

Ft. Lauderdale Ferns

Tacoma Turduckens (L’il Sweet Potato)

Mobile Rocket Surgeons (Errant Sparky)

Albany (no state specified) Abstractions (Emma Pathy)

Dallas-Ft. Worth Doublecrossers (Shifty)

Edmonton Elbow-Benders (Muggy)


Final Thing #13: Menu Items


Porn Flakes

Belgian Awfuls



Geek Yogurt

Mice Krispies

Appetizers and Side Dishes

Cram Chowder

Spit Pea Soup

French Flies

College Cheese

Potato Crypts

Seizure Salad

Mobster Bisque

Re-spiced Bean Fragmentitos



Fettucini Alfrodo

Shrimp Scanti

Rot Roast

Lightly-Inspected Pork Cutlers


Lemon Marine Pie

Lady Flingers

Crusty Mustard Custard Clusters


Final Thing #12: Jeffinitions


A vegetable that tastes as funny as it sounds.

Poker Chip

The only solid object that can slip through your fingers like water.


The larval form of the adult douchebag.


The act of clarifying another’s thinking.


1. What god allegedly opens when he closes a door.

2. The quickest way to the pavement.

3. A concept without which we would not have “defenestration,” which is a terrific word.


Well, *I* know what it means, so there’s no need for me to write it here.